I was thinking about that movie "A Christmas Story" the other day. I was never particularly a fan of the flick, but my man sure is. Over the last 10 Christmases we have had together, we have not missed watching Ralphie at least once and sometimes multiple times. (Thanks to TBS running it over and over and over and over and over...and over again on Christmas day.)
So, there I was the other day, almost getting excited over the fact that it will be time to curl up with my fam on the couch and see whether or not Ralphie gets his Red Rider BB gun again this year. And then my mind went down a rabbit trail. A fairly strange one that gave birth to this post. Are you ready to get a glimpse of where I went?
Ralphie's Old Man and his leg lamp have a lot to say about marriage.
Told you it was a weird trip. But, before you go clickin' the little "x" and shutting this thing down, let me explain the twist and turns to see if it comes out to make some kind of sense.
The crate arrives, marked "FRAGILE". Ralphie's Old Man says, "Fra-gee-lay. It must be Italian!"
Aren't we a lot like that when we get married? Our spouse has all sorts of labels on them, baggage that they carry with them. And more often than not, we ignore them completely. Or misread or misinterpret them.
We look at them like they are some sort of exotic prize. As if what is on the inside can only be sunshine and roses and romance. We may have a hint that they are "FRAGILE", but we don't focus on it.
I am not saying that we don't walk into the relationship knowing our mates, but sometimes we romanticize who they are and who they will become. Until we can't....and then we have a choice to make.
The Old Man digs down into the crate, hay and stuffing flying. All the while exclaiming over what it could be. "It's a major award". "It could be a bowling alley". And then he pulls out THE LAMP.
The lamp, of course, is awful. I personally would not want that thing in my front window for all the world to see either. Thankfully, my man does not work crosswords and mail them in for sweepstakes. With our "luck", we definitely would win one of those things.
Anyway, back to my weird train of thought. WE ARE THE LAMP. Not a single one of us, in my opinion, will live out our lives with our spouses without looking at them and wondering "What in the world?!" or "Who are you?!" or very possibly "What was I thinking?". And on the flip side, you can bet your partner has looked at you with those same questions buzzing between their ears.
We are fragile, broken, selfish humans - not at all the romantic win we envisioned being. We scrub and we rub against our mates with our words and actions. What is roaming around on our insides rise to the surface and it is not always attractive and lovable.
Yet, we are still in this thing with a choice to make.
The Old Man looks at it, loves it, and begins searching for the best place to display it for everyone to see.
That's our choice - do we treasure this thing anyway? Even though it doesn't look, feel, and fulfill us the way our rosy, love struck minds anticipated. When all we are left standing with is a proverbial leg lamp and not the "bowling alley" we were dreaming of?
I will admit that I have been leg lamp in our relationship. I see it very clearly. My man got one FRAGILE FRA-GEE-LAY woman. I did not intentionally bait and switch, but it happened. Despite my best intentions, the crazy seeped out all over him - between the anxiety attacks, personal baggage from my childhood that keeps me struggling to be confident in how much he loves me, the post partem depression that would have caused a less godly man to
run out the front door and never look back, and the "only child syndrome" that pops out in whining and complaining, he has had very few and short glimpses of who he thought I was when he married me.
Yet, he's here. Isn't that romantic? He still puts me out for all the world the see as his wife. Treats me like a major award - knowing all the while that I am cracked, broken, and taped together (thankfully by the hand of God).
I really used to think the romance of marriage was in trips and dates, gifts, and thoughtfulness that included flowers and sweet words. Those are awesome and necessary every now and again. But God has showed me the romance is in the staying. In the valuing the other person for who He made them - even knowing that they are fully, fallibly, sinfully, and selfishly human.
When we do this thing right - with God enabling us, isn't it beautiful? It doesn't look anything like the movies....more like Christ and the church. It's dawning on me (albeit slowly) that there isn't anything more beautiful than that. Than sticking with it, serving when it's underserved, and loving beyond reason.
We need to stop defining romance by rom coms and novels. Or songs we hear on the radio and what others post on their Facebook profiles.
God's got this thing no matter where you are and what is happening in your situation...He's got this thing and He is going to make it beautiful.
